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Public speaking. Do those two simple words together make your stomach plunge and your throat tighten? It’s one of the most commonly reported “biggest fears.” Psycom states glossophobia affects up to 75% of the population! And even that other 25% still have some trepidation, if they’re at all human. 😊

Nancy Pender is no stranger to being in front of an audience. As a Peabody and Emmy-award-winning TV journalist, she was last an anchor and reporter in Chicago before segueing to a career helping professionals hone their communication skills to be more effective on the job. Pender Communications is an executive and media communications consulting company, specializing in a variety of skill sets including speech preparation, DIY sizzle reels and media interviews. As the founder, her aim is to help business professionals craft and deliver meaningful messaging, with the latter pulling a significant amount of focus.

“When I’m hired to help a client craft a speech or PowerPoint presentation, I also work with them on delivery skills. Words are important, but it’s how we deliver those words that has the most impact on an audience,” Pender says. 

She obviously runs into a good number of clients who have a hate-hate relationship with the delivery part. For many of us, it’s due to past experiences that didn’t end well. Any of these situations feel painfully familiar?

• Being thrown into the spotlight with no prep time
• Technical difficulties took center stage
• No one listened, and instead kept right on talking to their friends
• Literally lost your notes and thus lost the audience
• Didn’t practice enough so had to rely on reading instead of engaging with the audience

Luckily there are ways to overcome many of those stumbling blocks. Depending on your environment and message, some or all of the following can be helpful: 

• Practice, practice, practice – if you know your message really well, you can overcome losing your notes or having a teleprompter go down.
• Record your practices and look for: places to take a natural pause, whether your gestures are too much or too little, and the appropriate use of facial expressions.
• Bring visual aids or something else to grab attention, especially right off the top. Do you play a handheld instrument? If appropriate, 30 seconds on a trumpet will get all eyes on you!
• Find the supportive faces in the audience and use them like they’re your partner. 
• Allow yourself to laugh off the hiccups, or at yourself, if needed. 

Pender has her own list of must-dos to help create a meaningful and memorable presentation, whether the audience is a boardroom of 12 or a ballroom of 200. 

Even if you do all the “right things” leading up to a public speaking event, recognize you’ll still have nerves. Pender says they can actually make you perform better. 

“Contrary to public opinion, presentation jitters can be a good thing. When used effectively, they help us focus better, energize our delivery, and prompt us to practice more, which reduces anxiety. The goal isn’t to eliminate the butterflies but to get them to fly in formation. Harness the energy to your advantage.”

Mayo Clinic has an article that walks people through some psychological exercises as well, including breathing techniques and visualization. Pender says making it about what the audience needs, rather than your own fears, can also help. 

“Instead of viewing a speaking engagement with dread, reframe it as an opportunity to improve the lives or careers of others. You have innovative ideas that need to be heard. The most effective speakers are those who are able to focus more on the needs of their audience and less on themselves. Make that sentence your mantra and you’ll be well on your way to a more successful speaking scenario!”

There, now do the words “Public Speaking” sound a little less scary? It’s definitely a great skill to have, whether you’re pitching to a prospective client, raising funds for a charity at a gala, or coaching middle-schoolers basketball. And, chances are, you’re going to have to do it every so often no matter what you do for a living, so embrace the experience and harness those butterflies!

So much goes into self-esteem. There are external influences like how others perceive and treat you. And internal factors like confidence and self-awareness. Some people just seem gifted with healthy self-esteem, while others scream conceit or whisper inferiority. There are definitely steps you can take to balance this often emotionally tied characteristic. Check your ego at the door and absorb how you can develop the best Y-O-U there can be!

Self-esteem 101

Self-esteem can be measured on a spectrum from low to healthy to arrogant. Your opinion on your value can fluctuate given the circumstance, company you keep, and period of life you’re in. Below are general defining thoughts for various degrees of self-esteem. 

People with low self-esteem might feel:

• Negative about themselves and life in general
• Anxious 
• Unmotivated
• Uncertain about their abilities

People with healthy self-esteem seem to know:

• They have value
• Their positive qualities
• They can take on a challenge
• The future can be rewarding, even if it’s unknown

People with too high a self-esteem may:

• Think they’re better than others
• Have little patience with teammates
• Feel entitled to the best life has to offer
• Bite off more than they can chew

Knock, Knock… Who’s There Matters

One of the biggest factors of self-esteem is security. If you’re in an unsafe or unstable environment over a length of time, it can create self-doubt and feelings of unworthiness. If so and so is always belittling you at work, or you’re constantly being punished for trivial things at home, or you’re the victim of bullying at school, there’s little doubt it’ll affect your perception of yourself. To combat that, make sure you’re doing what you can to change your circumstances. 

• Surround yourself with uplifting people
• Gain the skills needed to feel more confident 
• Find a trusted person you can use as a sounding board
• Learn the best words to use to speak up for yourself

Get on the Me Team

Knowing who you are, feeling accepted, and having confidence in your skills are three important internal traits that lead to having a positive opinion of yourself. Some tips to enhance those characteristics include:

• Embrace lifelong learning – the more you know, the more you grow!
• Be true to who you are and surround yourself with people who accept you that way
• Keep a journal to remember your successes – even the small ones

Very Well Mind writes that self-esteem grows as you do, meaning from childhood to adulthood you will likely see a steady increase before it levels off. Of course, most of us will ride some waves that dip into the low level again before carrying us back up to a better level. If you constantly feel like your self-esteem is in flux, seeing a professional is a great idea! It may just be a nasty case of imposter syndrome, or it could be more deep-seated. 

Use Self-Esteem to Your Advantage

People with well-honed self-regard are more likely to achieve their goals, see the positive side of things, and move ahead at work. Your self-esteem influences your thoughts, choices and decisions. It showcases how you present yourself, and thus, how people see you. Your self-esteem is projected through your posture, how you speak to others, and how you work on a team. 

And remember, sometimes it’s people with crumbling self-esteem who try to bring yours down with bad behaviors and remarks. This is a perfect opportunity to level up and take them with you. Others will hold you in high esteem if you can do it!

We could all use a little extra time. But, since no one has been able to figure out how to make each day more than 24 hours, we need to rely on time-tested, time management skills. You’re busy, I’m busy; so let’s get right to the heart of this subject in the least amount of time. It’s a super short read, I promise!

Why Time Management Matters for You

You could be a procrastinator. Or, perhaps, you’re the person who’s always the last to arrive. Maybe you’re tired of overdue library books and late fees on bills. No matter if it’s your personal or professional life, managing your own clock well brings multiple benefits to you and those around you. 

• Reliability – when you get your tasks done on time, you earn trust 
• Productivity – the better you are managing your time, the more productive you can be
• Confidence – reliability + productivity = a boost in self-assurance

Time Management Strategies

There are dozens out there, but below are the most repeated tips I found. Once you land on what works for you, repeat for peak efficiency in every part of your life. 

• Know your tasks – whether it’s on a to-do list or set in calendar reminders, make sure you have a record of what needs to get done and when it’s due
• Prioritize – some things are just more important than others
  • Biggest impact
  • Most time-sensitive
  • Can be delegated
• Avoid multi-tasking – it turns out no one is really good at it
• Block out distractions – turn off the email reminders, put your phone out of arm’s reach, and resist surfing the internet 
• Establish a routine – do your hardest tasks when you’re most energized each day

Time Management Help

There are plenty of apps to help organize calendars, tasks and due dates. VeryWellMind.com lists their favorite six for 2023. Some are for households, while others are great for work life. They all have free versions too!

Below are links to articles I found helpful when researching this topic:

Indeed – Time Management: Defeating Distraction

Michael Page – 5 Tips to Better Time Management

Dale Carnegie – A Practical Guide for Time Management

Look at that – you’re done reading our blog. If you have time to spare, knock off one more thing on your to-do list before you call it a day!

If the only type of change you can handle jingles in your pockets, it’s time to make some adjustments. After all, change is a constant, and learning how to lean into it can save you some aggravation and wasted time. Being resistant to big and little modifications in your life can mean missing out on amazing opportunities, learning new things, and discovering new interests. Being receptive to change can mean great things for your health, career and personal life. 

Why Change Can Be Hard

Leadership development company Primeast shares four main reasons people are resistant to change in the workplace. 

• Self-interest
• Misunderstanding and lack of trust
• Different evaluations
• Low tolerance for trying something different

Their article also delves into two types of change an employee might encounter at work: Operational and Social. 

Operational deals with what an employee does and how they do it. Operational change might come in the form of new technology that an employee needs to learn. 

Social deals with whom, and how, an employee interacts on the job. If there’s a new hierarchy put in place or a shake-up among coworkers, it affects the social aspect of life at work. 

Social change is tied more to an emotional reaction, but operational change can certainly also evoke anxiety. In fact, any type of change welcomed or not, can cause stress, especially if it feels out of your control. 

Leading Change

Harvard Business Review notes that often the initial reaction to change is pulling back, rather than pushing forward. Business leaders can play a huge role in preparing employees for change, guiding them through it and fostering solid coping skills. 

• Give positive true stories of other people who moved beyond the status quo
• Create a safe space to talk, share emotions and ask questions
• Go through “What if” scenarios
• Set reasonable expectations
• Champion cross-team connections and encourage networking to gain new perspectives

In business, being adaptive is critical to growth and innovation! Creating a culture where employees feel like they can help control and direct change is how successful companies thrive. We’ve all heard of the saying, “be the change;” but unless you’re willing to get cozy with a little upheaval in your life, you’ll continue to “be the norm.” This might sound very appealing, but in actuality, you’re shortchanging your abilities to grow and evolve. If that makes you uncomfortable, then you’re already on the right track when it comes to working through those inevitable disruptions life throws at all of us. Staying flexible and resilient are great tools to help cope with change too.

Change Your Ways

Perspective is a powerful lens. When I was diagnosed with Celiac Disease 13 years ago, change was very unwelcomingly thrust upon me. I did not consume a very diverse diet. Gluten-filled foods were my main sustenance. All I could think about was that I wouldn’t be able to eat bread and cereal and baked goods anymore. 

My neighbor and her daughter came over shortly after my diagnosis, both had lived with Celiac for many years already, with a hand-written list titled “WHAT YOU CAN STILL EAT.” It included gluten-free bread and bakery brands they enjoyed; cereals that were naturally gluten-free; and favorite snacks like popcorn and chips. Their advice was to concentrate on what can stay the same, instead of everything I was going to miss.

Real Simple published 11 coping strategies to try as you trudge through any kind of change. Focusing on the positive aspects is one of them. Others include:

• Accept help
• Control what you can
• Be patient
• Connect with others

It turns out that having to give up gluten led me to a renaissance of healthier living! I eat all sorts of vegetables, fruits, and other grains now. I found new favorites (cauliflower pizza crust – YES!) and learned how to make my old favorites with other ingredients (quinoa, tapioca, and cassava flours are great). Things I had turned my nose up at before (avocado, brussels sprouts, beets, and mushrooms, to name a few) have become standards in my diet because I was forced to make huge alterations and decided to make the most of it. 

We’ve all heard that “opportunity knocks,” but if you’re too scared/stubborn/rigid to see what’s on the other side of the door, you could be trapped in a cycle of anxiety, regret and growing inflexibility. That sounds horrible! Do yourself a favor and take small steps to set yourself up for future success. 

• Answer that door…
• Step outside…
• Lean toward something out of the ordinary…

Before you know it, you’ll not only be more adept at navigating the unknown but who knows, you could even become a change-maker yourself!

Ever feel like you run into conflict with the same person again and again? Maybe it’s a coworker, or a family member, or a friend of a friend. Sometimes personalities just clash, and it’s not necessarily always one person’s fault. (Although, honestly, we all run into people who seem to make it their goal to make your day a little harder.) Knowing that we all face individuals, or situations, that make us want to scream, or run away, or break out in tears, having conflict resolution tools at our disposal is important. 

So Many Strategies

Think of the following as a warehouse of conflict resolution solutions. There are a lot to choose from! You may find some will work better than others, depending on your personal situation.

PositivePsychology.com reports that being in a prolonged state of conflict is harmful emotionally, physically and mentally. Their in-depth article on everything to do with conflict resolution outlines:

• Key skills to develop (including self-awareness and active listening) 
• Methods to use in an office setting
• Health benefits to relieving conflict 
• Games and activities to facilitate resolution

A key takeaway, for those in a rush to find viable solutions, is to allow your emotions to subside before engaging in any other technique. Take that deep breath, walk away for a moment or longer, and let the immediate rush of emotion dwindle so you can lead more with your head than your ego or heart.

Tammy Dunnett is a communication coach and self-titled “talksicologist” who specializes in conflict resolution. She published an article on LinkedIn promoting the “5 Cs of Communication in Conflict.” Her advice to maximize the connection and minimize the conflict is to be:

• CLEAR with your feelings
• CONCISE with your words
• CURIOUS about the other person’s perspective
• COMPASSIONATE about the other person’s feelings
• COLLABORATIVE in finding a solution

Vermont-based Champlain College outlines its top five conflict resolution strategies, focusing on recognizing the issue and organizing a solution. 

• Don’t ignore it
• Clarify the issue
• Talk together
• Find a solution
• Monitor and follow up

My final entry into this handy “conflict resolution solutions warehouse” is from BetterUp.com. This article outlines the five conflict management styles most of us fall into, from avoidance to collaboration. It then highlights 11 strategies to help resolve struggles we might face in everyday life, including:

• Be humble
• Avoid being defensive
• Show willingness
• Exercise patience
• Stay positive

Create Your Own Set of Solutions

After reading through the above articles, and more, I developed my own list of strategies to share. I whittled it down to four, and made them all start with a “W” as a catchy way to remember them–and also because alliterations are fun! 

At the very basic level, both conflicted parties need to:

• Want it – be on the same page as far as the issue and goal
• Work at it – even distribution of effort required
• Walk away, when needed – breaks are OK and encouraged
• Welcome peace – appreciate your similarities, don’t focus on the differences

If the people engaged in the conflicted behavior can’t agree on the above, having a mediator join the discussion is encouraged. A third party is not emotionally attached, and therefore can cut through a lot of the clutter that could be clogging negotiations. 

Use It Before You Lose It

We’re not advocating you go out of your way to find conflicts to resolve, but we all encounter a myriad of situations, sometimes daily, where we can call on the ideas in this blog to save ourselves, and others, some aggravation. Here are some real-life examples and solutions:

• Road rage?
  • Deep breath – clear those emotions
  • Compassion – give the other driver some grace
  • Walk, er drive, away – the interaction was a split second; don’t let it take any more of your time and energy
• Judgmental comment made?
  • If it’s by someone you know
    • Be calm and clear with your feelings about it
    • Listen to the other person’s perspective – perhaps they didn’t mean it the way you perceived it
    • Welcome peace – don’t go out of your way to find reasons to be mad
  • If it’s by a stranger
    • Exercise patience
    • Show positivity
    • Be concise with your response, if you choose to make one
• Your coworker constantly corrects you?
  • Don’t ignore it, if it bothers you
  • Don’t be defensive – assume good intentions
  • Talk through it together – you might be on the “same side”
  • Find a mediator if you need one

Sometimes, the best person to resolve conflict with is yourself! When you learn how to let the small things slide without riling up your emotions, it gets easier to stay calm during adversity. Maybe it’s developing an inner Q&A (Does this really matter? Do I need to make some personal adjustments? Does this have to be a fight-or-flight situation? Is this just a fleeting moment I can get through?).

When you can calm down your inner turmoil, projecting outer peace is so much easier! Finally, a genuine smile and gentle attitude can turn many would-be conflicts into positive connections, more often than you know. 

And, remember we’re all different—and that’s good! It can be worthwhile, and even fun, to consider where the other person is coming from. You might gain a new perspective, or at the very least, learn what makes the other person tick…or get ticked off (always good info to have!).